How many plates of food can you carry? And where did the people at table 4 go?

The other day I had only one to-do item on my calendar for that day: have a lunch with a couple of friends. Hooray! I was going to have a wonderful, relaxed day: maybe a little puttering around the house, and perhaps even do a fair bit of reading!

Well, that’s not how the day went. When I checked my email in the morning, there were suddenly several things that needed to happen, and be completed before the (business) day ended. I had to compile and pay my quarterly taxes (I had to have them postmarked that day – my fault for procrastinating on that – put a reminder in my calendar for next quarter!), I had to coordinate and scheduling of two meetings in the same week with two different groups, and I had to get fill out, sign and fax paperwork immediately for a convention that I am suddenly going to next weekend.

And if that wasn’t enough, the waste management truck could not get to the trash on my street because there was a car broken down (not mine, thank goodness), and it happened to be in front of my house. So, after a few minutes of confusion on how the truck was going to get around the car, the tow truck came along and moved the car out of the way. Whew! One crisis down!

The next point of confusion was that when I initially responded to schedule one of the meetings I had been tasked to schedule, I requested it be scheduled it for the right time, right day, but for the wrong month! So – of course, I send a second email to all the meeting participants – only to state the right time, right month, but now I got the day wrong – d’oh!!! Well, I guess the third time really is a charm, because I got all the particles of date and time of a meeting down correctly. And, fortunately, the meeting participants were all very supportive and understanding – some even got a good laugh out of all the confusion. Even I had to laugh at the crazy turn of events for the day, but I stayed with it and got it all straightened out! 

In amidst all this, I did manage to attend my lunch with friends; the restaurant was fairly busy, and there was only one server taking care of the tables. When the server came out with our food (still in good time in spite of the lack of other staff to help), with plates balanced on her arms, she had a look of confusion on her face. Apparently, while my friends and I were talking, the people at a table in the corner had moved to a different table.

I suddenly empathized with her – her day had probably started out with a simple enough task: go to work. And suddenly chaos crept in. She, too, stayed with it and did her best. If she was stressed, she didn’t let it show; it didn’t even slow her down, and she was very pleasant to all the patrons. We even commended her for doing a great job under the circumstances.

We all have days that start out one way and suddenly go in a very different direction; days that throw us off balance and cause us to slip up. It may seem embarrassing and frustrating, but you may find that people are actually quite understanding and accommodating. It may even make for an interesting story at the end of the day!     

Laurie Anderson, 24 July 2010

I had an epiphany about the way I communicate today while I was running (or rather WALKING after my lungs, legs, and mind said, "Uh-uh...you're not running up that hill!").  Although my shoes say "New Balance," my communication today was decidedly IMBALANCED!!  As in my message didn't seem to match my actions...because I waited too late to deliver it!  Let me explain...

First let me say that despite having posted the very first "Imbalanced Blog" post about running a marathon...I am not really a runner.  Funny, I know.  But I kind of hate it.  It hurts my knees.  I'm slow.  I got yelled at a lot in the army for not doing it fast enough or good enough.  I have ISSUES when it comes to going out for a simple jog!

BUT...I know it is great exercise and as fitness programs go, it's one of the cheapest, easiest, and most effective!  So I'm willing to put my issues aside and go running once in awhile.

Today was one of those "once in a while" days.  

The husband of a very good friend of mine is staying in my guest room while he attends a conference here in DC.  He's gotten into running since marrying my friend (a fellow Army girl!) and is kicking major ass!  He's run a bunch of races, including a half marathon, and lost 35 pounds.  In short, he's become the poster child for what is possible when you become a runner.

And so, being motivated by the changes in his life after he started running (and not thinking it would be such a bad idea to lose a few pounds myself), I agreed to go for a morning jog with him today (but I made him promise not to mock me for being too slow and that we'd only do a few miles...no half marathons on my first day back out on the road!).

So off we went for what was supposed to be about a 20-25 minute run.  Or at least that's what I was mentally prepared for.

We hit the road and ran down to a nice trail.  By the time we hit it, my watch said we'd been going about 10 minutes and I was ready to turn around and head back.  But we ventured further seeing if we could figure out how to loop around instead of running back the way we came.  No luck.  Now we were at 17 minutes.  

My mind was racing MUCH faster than my body at this point as I thought, "We have a HUGE hill to run UP on our way back.  I'm tired NOW...how will I make it up that hill?!"

Truth be told even when I run long distances, I take lots of walk breaks.  Run for 15 minutes, walk for 2.  Run another 10, walk for 3.  Run 8 more minutes, walk for 2.  And so on, and so on.  Not to mention.  I don't do hills.  Yuck!

But I didn't want to slow down my friend...so I just kept running.

At some point my mind/body stopped cooperating with me and I got cramps.  BAD ones.  The nausea inducing, not sure if I wanted to puke or poop kind of cramps.  And they hurt.  A LOT!

I knew I could make it back to the bottom of the hill but at that point, I would have to insist on walking.  And so I did.

But my friend kept saying, "No...you're gonna run up this hill.  Come on."

What?!  No!!  I told you...I want to walk now.  I NEED to walk now.

I argued.  He motivated.  

I felt bad (in more ways than one).  He continued to motivate.  

I said, "No really...go on without me."  He tried to motivate/inspire me some more.  

I insisted he meet me at the top.  He continued to motivate.

Finally I just stopped running and began walking.  He kept running and was out of ear shot/motivation range eventually.

As I watched him continue up the hill, which was certainly the right decision for him, I settled into the fact that whether my cramps were brought on by physically challenging myself or mentally convincing myself I couldn't go any farther...they were REAL.  I really did need to stop.  I didn't need to justify that to anyone...but I felt like I had to. 

I started thinking about the fact that even though I KNEW it was time for me to stop...my friend wasn't buying it.  And I had to ask myself, "What did I do to make him communicate with me that way."

I thought back on some other situations where I had hit a breaking point and realized that when it comes to communicating things that are hard for me to say (like, "I can't keep up with you!") I am the 'strong silent type.'   

I'd been in pain for 10 minutes prior to hitting the hill...but I didn't want to be a "whiner" so I held it in.  I knew there was a problem, but to avoid looking weak or pathetic...I kept it to myself.  

Then, when I HAD to stop, I told my friend. But this was news to him.  On the outside...I appeared to be fine.  So he thought he could just motivate me through it.  But that just wasn't going to happen.

And isn't that how life is?  When your car has something wrong with it for months and then dies...you are able to accept it.  But if it just up and dies with no warning, it's kind of hard to believe you didn't see it coming...and you wonder whether it's really dead or if the mechanic is lying to you!  There were no signs...no warnings.  How could it just be dead?!

Maybe we do ourselves a disservice by trying to look balanced until the last possible minute when we are communicating with people.  Maybe if we just let them know all along what was going on, we wouldn't end up with resistance or arguments when we delivered unexpected news...because it wouldn't be unexpected if we'd been honest all along, would it?!

Moving forward I am going to be more open with my imbalance.  Say it with me, "Um...this isn't working for me.  Can we talk about what might work better?"

 For me this means speaking up sooner when my body's about to collapse on a run.  And saying, "Yes...I take walk breaks.  Deal with it!"  

• What might it mean for you?  
• Where do you cover up imbalance in your life?
• How could you share that imbalance by communicating better with people and avoiding nasty surprises?

YOU might be the one who gets surprised now...surprised how open people are to hearing what's going on when you speak your truth.  

And maybe if you ask for walk breaks (or whatever the equivalent is in YOUR situation)...you'll be able to charge up that hill at full speed!

Leslie Stein, 21 July 2010

So many things in my life seem to encroach on my time to read: responding to emails, work, education, household maintenance, networking, and exercise, just to name a few. But I really love to read – yet when do I find time in my busy day to do this?

Reading is important to me. It focuses my mind on one thing, and with no stress - even if it’s only for a while - when normally I am racing from one task to the next. Regardless of whether I’m reading fiction or non-fiction, it’s a mini vacation from my busy schedule.

There’s something calming and meditative for me about just sitting down in a comfy chair and curling up with a book and maybe even a cup of tea. Or walking to the park that’s a block away and enjoying the fresh air while I’m reading. The day’s demands are put on hold for a bit as I make time for myself – to rejuvenate. I can escape and become a hero as I delve into a fiction novel, or be inspired by reading a biography. I can even catch up on current events when I peruse through a periodical.

Sometimes it seems I only have an hour or so to take a break and sit down to read a book. And what I am finding out is that just an hour is actually a nice amount of time to read some types of books, especially non-fiction books that give innovative perspectives on life. I find I can process on what I read and gain a deeper understanding, and usually, there’s something going on in my life that I can apply my newfound insight.

No matter what, it’s important for me to take time out to do a little reading, even if it’s only for an hour or so. It’s what helps get me through my busy, imbalanced life.



What I’m reading right now:

The Fifth Agreement, by Don Miguel Ruiz and Don Jose Ruiz

Presence: Human Purpose and the Field of the Future, by Peter Senge, C. Otto Scharmer, Joseph Jawarski, and Betty Sue Flowers


Laurie Anderson, 18 July 2010

Who gets to define what a balanced life looks like? 

Who's to say if I eat ice cream for dinner and spend a little too much on shoes I'm not still balanced in my own way?  Maybe doing that keeps me mentally stable and THAT is my definition of balance!


A perfectly balance life stays perfectly balanced for what...15 seconds?  When's the last time you cleaned the bathroom and it stayed clean forever?  Achieving balance is the same way.  You get there...you just can't STAY there!

The truth is that no matter how hard we try to keep all our ducks in a row all the time, a duck or two is apt to wander off every now and then.  But is that so wrong?  If I want to focus on career can't I let go of perfection in  other areas for just a little bit?  For me that usually translates to lack of a romantic relationship.

"Hello late night projects!!  Good-bye having time to find a life partner!"

Sound familiar to anyone else?  Although my work life is rolling along just fine, I'm spending way too many nights on the couch with my two good friends Ben & Jerry watching "The Bachelorette" wondering why I don't have those kinds of men in my life.  (Side note...have you tried their new Peanut Brittle ice cream?  Heaven in a pint!)

Well...the answer is that right now is not the time in my life for romance.  I am CHOOSING to be out of balance by taking that slice of pie off my plate for awhile.  I'm PURPOSELY getting my romance doses from television until I'm ready to find my own Prince Charming (and all the stuff that comes with him!).

While dating is a wonderful thing and I really do hope to give a try one day again soon...it just isn't my top priority right now.  HECK...it's not even in my top three!  I'll add it back in someday...just not NOW!

This brings me to the questions I ask myself when I look at my life situation:

• What does laser focus on one area do to the balance of my life?  
• If my life were the wheel of a car on the road how bumpy might the ride be? 
• Could I keep rolling along or would my car come to a complete stop?

The Coaches Training Institute has created a great exercise to help us answer these questions.  The Wheel of Life exercise provides a structure to take a snapshot of your life to see where you might be lacking balance.


Click the link & check it out.  How would your wheel of life ride down the highway of your dreams?  Smooth ride or bumpy?  If you need a little more in one area, what can you stop doing in another area to give yourself the time to do that...and do you even WANT to?!


Just remember that no matter what your wheel looks like...it's only a snapshot.  Yeah, I know I'm boyfriendless right now and spend too much time online (is it really almost 1am right now?  OMG).  But it won't be that way forever.  I'm choosing imbalance now so I can relax and enjoy my boyfriend when I do find him!  Having my career on track will give me the freedom to do that.   And to go overboard & all out of balance to fall in love and spend crazy amounts of time with my new man WITHOUT a single second of guilt that I'm neglecting my career.


But just to be clear...I don't need to stop seeing Ben & Jerry, do I?


Leslie Stein, 15 July 2010

I was never a super runner.  In fact, 7 years in the army only made me hate running after hearing repeatedly that I was never fast enough.

But somehow, when my sister began training for her SECOND marathon (I couldn't believe she'd run a FIRST!), I felt compelled to train with her and at least provide moral support for those long Saturday runs.

And boy...were those Saturday runs LONG!

I had no idea when I agreed to train with her that I would essentially be giving up my weekends as I knew them.  

Saturday runs meant no late nights Friday and really (if I wanted to be a GOOD training partner), no drinking.  They also meant I would probably lack the energy or imagination to do anything on Saturdays as I restructured my time for more important things like icing my knees and figuring out how to replace my electrolytes.

And so this was my life for 4 months.  During that period I got dumped by an ex-boyfriend, stalled on a major project at work, and forgot what some of my friends looked like because I didn't see them without going out on Friday & Saturday nights.

But when I crossed the finish line of the San Diego Rock & Roll Marathon (a great race that I would HIGHLY recommend if you feel like throwing your life out of balance a bit), I didn't care one bit about being dumped, demoted, or forgotten by my friends.  All that training had paid off and I had just finished my first marathon!  I felt like a rock star.  Or in the case of this particular marathon...a rock & ROLL star!


Later that year my sister and I did another race together.  This time we were a little less crazy and downsized to a half marathon.  Still enough training required to throw my life a little out of balance...but not quite to the level of training for a full marathon.


What I discovered was that I actually kind of LIKED the imbalance!  It turns out I didn't miss late Friday nights on the town or sleeping in on Saturdays.  I was in the best shape of my life and if that meant being a little imbalanced...so be it!


I don't run marathons anymore (at least not at the moment).  But the lesson I took from that experience was that dedicating myself to a big goal felt good.  In fact, it felt GREAT!  Now I'm willing to take on bigger projects, go on longer trips, and spend entire weekends doing absolutely NOTHING!


Does it throw my life out of whack when I do that?  Sure.  But now I understand how good it feels to live in that state of imbalance for awhile...AND how good it feels to get back to a more balanced place after the goal is reached.


What about you?  Have you run a marathon?  A triathlon?  Some other physically demanding event that forced you to be out of balance for awhile?  What lessons did YOU learn?!


Leslie Stein, 9 July 2010